Barry Sonnenfeld began his career as a cinematographer in Hollywood. He was so good he eventually became a major film director. He has directed several highly popular films, including the Addams Family, and the Men In Black movies.

He is known for his expertise with cameras and lighting but is best with people. He is legendary for his ability to work with the monstrous egos of actors, producers and studio bosses.

In a recent memoir, Sonnenfeld reveals the secret of his extraordinary success with people. He uses, what I call, the “Agreeability Key”.

Whenever someone offers an idea or even starts an argument, Barry always finds something to agree with. Once when a studio executive told him his movie was too expensive and would be shut down, Barry immediately agreed and told the executive to stop the movie. The studio boss looked shocked and offered to reconsider. The next day the director was told to make the movie.

Sonnenfeld demonstrates that starting with an agreement softens the discussion and creates harmony. The “Agreeability Key” opens the door to communication.

When someone begins a discussion or expresses a criticism, try to respond with “agreeableness”. Show respect for the other person’s opinion before you offer yours. The “Agreeability Key” can disarm the debate and open the path to progress.

Ask God to give you a “sweet spirit”. Don’t win arguments, win relationships.

The Bible says in Proverbs 15:1, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” NIV

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